Why does a woman's body automatically become public property?

Riddle me this, internet, why is it that a woman's body becomes public property? To be gawked at, ridiculed, commented on and groped at every turn.

I've been hanging out at /r/feminism on Reddit lately, and I stumbled across this post: "Larger women of reddit, does this sort of thing happen on a regular basis??"

And none of it really surprised me, but it got me thinking (yet again). Why is this sort of thing so common? Why is it that people (both men and women) automatically feel a right to comment on or yell insults to complete strangers just because they're fat? And yes, I realise that this happens to men too, but in general it seems like it always comes down hardest on women. And I have found myself standing on both sides of this fence during my life.

Years ago, when I was battling anorexia and was much closer to the societal "ideal" than I am now, I was never left alone. Men would fling derogatory words in my direction on a daily basis. Walking down the street, in the park, to school.. wherever I was there was always some random stranger who saw it as his personal duty to comment on my body. Usually in the form of something sexual and sleazy. But there were those who still called me fat no matter what.

I delved more and more into a gothic way of dressing both because I liked it and to be left alone. Wearing long metal spikes and boots with spikes, and in general 'things with spikes' was a good way of saying "leave me the FUCK ALONE!".

As the years went by, I put on weight because of my declining health. I have severe asthma, quite severe PTSD and just recently went through a bout of cancer just because my body felt like it. I'm on several kinds of medication and none of which have helped in the weight department, and for a few years any kind of physical activity has given me pneumonia. So I haven't really had much to say in the matter of my weight.. and to be honest, it's been interesting to see how people's attitudes towards me have changed along with my added weight.

Instead of just sleazy comments I started getting the obligatory "look, a land whale!" and the occasional Moby Dick reference. But the sleazy comments haven't stopped completely either.. now it just comes in the form of "oh, you're fat, you'll be so grateful when I yell things at you" (/try to grope you in public). And to be frank it's been easier to deal with people "hating me for being fat" than it was when they wanted to just "use me as something sexual".
But why is it that my body is looked upon as public property? Why can't I have my body to MYSELF?! Why is it that random men seem to feel entitled to get all up in my business? The answer: I'm a woman. 

It highlights how women are regarded primarily as objects. A famous or admired fat man is not a rare thing. From entertainers, to politicians, to leaders of industry, to mythical icons, to characters of fiction, the fat man cuts an intimidating or jolly or wise form. This compared to the barest sprinkling of fat women who have achieved the same. Most are subject to scorn and ridicule, objects to be abused....even by other women.


And according to Reddit, I'm not the only one who's experiencing this:

[–]♀mykidisonhere 104 points 2 days ago

I think a fat joke is the easiest way to get a reaction out of a woman because we worry about our looks. Even thin women worry they look fat.

[–]♀chani_dib 95 points 2 days ago

Agree. Default insult for a woman is "fat" or "slut", regardless of her weight or sexual activity.

[–]JesusListensToSlayer 9 points 2 days ago

Because women aren't supposed to have appetites of any kind. Just be submissive little Barbie Dolls and do whatever we're told.

[–]I_am_the_Walrus 36 points 2 days ago

Or, when you're obviously a stick, "too skinny" is what makes us untrustworthy. Because trustworthiness is directly correlated with body weight. It's just lose/lose, no matter what you look like. When you've got a culture that equates women with pieces of art, surely it's not out of bounds to express your opinion in any and every situation about what would make that art better.

[–]♀imperial_scum 177 points 2 days ago

You don't even have to be big really, if you're a female and are walking/running/biking, whatever, it's apparently okay for you to be heckled by men.
I was walking home from a party at a friend's house and I had two men ask me to get into their car while they slow creeped through a right turn, leering, while I waited for the signal to cross. It's pretty disgusting really.

[–]badash13 31 points 2 days ago

Yeah, not too long ago I got stalked for half a mile in the middle of the night. I got offered 200 euro to flash these dudes at one point, by the time they flipped their car around for the third time, I booked it down an alley and hid behind a car til they left.

And I say fuck that shit!

Besides, don't you think fat people (of any gender) don't KNOW they're fat?!

[–]omg_mangos 324 points 2 days ago

Oh it's mad common.

It's why every time there's a thread on reddit like, 'Why is it not okay for me to tell fat people they're fat? D:', I blow a gasket.

Fat people know they're fat. A fuckton of people tell them they're fat; also, mirrors. If you're feeling offended because you think it's unfair to be called an asshole for pointing out somebody's weight (because, I guess, you think they haven't noticed!?), it's because you really are just an asshole.

30 lbs. ago, strangers had no problem telling me they thought I was fat, or a whale, or a pig, whatever. Now that I've lost it, the guy I went on a date with had no problem making whale noises at a different girl a she passed by our table. I've graduated from 'fat' to 'sexually harassable', so these days I generally get more 'do you fuck?' than I do 'fat bitch', but I'd rather I didn't get either.

This shit is not okay people. And I won't stand for it. 

So.. What's it like being a woman in the most 'equal' country in the world?

To be honest, it's about as shitty as anywhere else in the world (except for some obvious exceptions ofc). But if you're reading this only being used to the 'male privilege'  it might be hard for you to understand what I mean, so I'll try to clarify.

I found a comic on Reddit. It was drawn by a redditor's sister, explaining why she feels the need for feminism. And it got me thinking, as so many other things also do. What has it been like for me being a woman in Norway? What is it like now?

Well.. in all honesty: it sucks. It really does suck. I come from a "normal" middle class family in Norway, so you'd think it was all fine and dandy. It ain't.

I am no longer thin, or conforming to society's definition of beauty, and that has actually been a very good thing in my life.

I remember struggling with anorexia, being told I was fat when I weighed 46kg and 170cm (ca 101lbs, 5'6'), I had to envelop myself in metal spikes (quite literally), black hair and by definition look hostile to be left alone in any part of my day. I remember being hit on on the bus to school, by older men, and I remember having profanity yelled at me when I walked down the street.

It had nothing to do with the way I was dressed, or the way I did my makeup.. it was because I was a girl. Because I was a girl I had no right to privacy, no right to personal space, and no right not to be seen as an object for others to criticize at their leisure. And it wasn't even veiled.. people would state it outright, as facts.

Quite vividly, I can remember the man who stated his intent to rape me on the bus I was taking home in the evening, while he walked towards me. Luckily, Good Guy Busdriver saved me. I was 16 at the time.. this was one of my defining moments of getting to know what 'sexuality' and 'gender roles' were in the public spaces.. wonderful, eh?

My constant calls to my mum to get her to pick me up instead of taking the bus / train was never about being lazy. I just didn't want to get groped, raped or generally assaulted just because I had to get from A to B. And she would always be there for me. Perhaps she knew? Why wouldn't she? She's a woman too..

And it never really changed. Women are either objects or irrelevant, and even the good guys have some sort of warped image of what we should all be like. At least that's the wisdom I'm left with after 28 years on this earth.. and now that I'm not skinny or "ladylike" anymore you'd think the comments, the looks and the harassment would let up a little? Not the case.

Now, instead, I get to experience all the wonderful shades of "Oh, look, she's fat! She'll be grateful for my sexual advances!" or the classics of "You're fat, you have no right to feel comfortable with sexuality or your own body-image!". And no, I'm not making this shit up, it's not something I imagine hearing out in public. You'd be amazed to find out what people actually say out loud to your face if you differ even slightly from the socially accepted "norm". Or you know.. if you're a woman in general.

This is why I need feminism. This is why we need feminism. This is why I feel like setting the planet on fire every once in a while..

well.. wat?

Cancer, eh? 

I guess it was about time I got that too..

First rule of christmas: NO physical contact of any kind. And lots and lots of hand-sanitizer.

Second rule of christmas: NO physical contact of any kind. And lots and lots of hand-sanitizer.

Even the boyfriend might suffer a little bit from this one.. but I just can't risk "catching" anything before the surgery. And my immune system is totally fried. Even aids-patients have better immune systems than I do at this point.. I have a feeling I'll be sick as a dog after the surgery.. and going to the hospital. It's full of sick people! ugh!

I need my own bubble.

And this trying to keep up with any sort of "rhythm" is impossible.. I'm going to bed.. at 10:26 AM.

Changes to PTSD Diagnosis in the DSM V.

There seem to be changes proposed to the PTSD diagnosis in the DSM-V (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association provides a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders. It is used in the United States and in varying degrees around the world).

The article / study can be seen here:  http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/192/1/3.full

And from reading it, I came to pretty much the same conclusions as another Redditor did, and thus I'll just share what that person wrote:

whatwouldscoobydo:

So, I skimmed this a bit and have a few comments.
It seems like they are wondering whether PTSD is one thing in itself, of a combination of other of things. We've had this problem with a lot of other mental disorders. For example, with depression and anxiety- they are almost always comorbid (existing at the same time). Depression and anxiety almost always are comorbid with other disorders (meaning that if you are bipolar, schizophrenic, etc, you will also fall under the criteria for depression and anxiety). This also happens with adult ADD/ADHD, with most the criteria for adult ADHD and ADD being shared with anxiety and depression.

These are just examples I give of mental illnesses that all have some relation to one another. This is important because we need to recognize that it is not a perfect science. There are not clear borders between the disorders that we can already diagnose.

Now, on to PTSD. They propose that PTSD is a combination of other disorders, and I can't disagree with that. However, I feel as though PTSD can remain it's own diagnosis because of it's specific features, most notably the re-living of traumatic events- in dreams, or otherwise. This seems to have always been a hallmark of PTSD and should be considered.

They also argued that they have seen PTSD-like symptoms from people experiencing the grief of others, and non-direct trauma like "watching tv". I think that this should be considered a separate disorder, as they seemed to deal more with anxiety than re-living an event, and thus would not completely fall under the current criteria for PTSD.

"New diagnostic categories modeled on PTSD have been proposed, including prolonged duress stress disorder, post-traumatic grief disorder, post-traumatic relationship syndrome, post-traumatic dental care anxiety, and post-traumatic abortion syndrome."

I think these are all real, but they deal more with anxiety than an actual traumatic event. I believe that those with PTSD suffer because they experienced something traumatic where they felt they had no control or say (rape, being under fire in war, witnessing a murder, etc.). Whether the person experienced the event once, and it stuck, or experienced it prolonged- if they meet the criteria of re-experiencing, they meet the criteria for PTSD. As for the "prolonged duress stress disorder"- I think this would depend. If this is stress in the work place and you are experiencing more anxiety than normal, but your situation is controllable, I think that should be a subset of general anxiety, rather than PTSD. However, if you experienced prolonged abuse from a relationship partner, and meet the criteria of fearing and re-experiencing traumatic events, then that can be considered a subset of PTSD (as the symptoms are sometimes different with prolonged exposure to that much stress).

I am not saying anxiety and PTSD are unrelated- I think we all know they very much are. But PTSD traditionally has been centered around the experiencing and continued experiencing of a traumatic event or events, and I believe expanding the definition would not be wise. Creating other subsets of PTSD is legit in my mind if the symptoms are very different, but still include re-experiencing. However, if they do not, I believe the subset would be more appropriate under general anxiety rather than post-traumatic stress.

I hope this makes sense and gives some food for thought.


The thread on Reddit can be seen here: http://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/14fuin/changes_to_ptsd_diagnosis_in_the_dsm_v_thoughts/

About a year ago, I wrote in my Photography-blog about having PTSD. 

( http://duvessaphotography.blogspot.no/2011/10/stepping-out-from-shadows.html )

I've been wanting to write more about it, but I thought it would be best to keep it out of the photography blog since this might not be as interesting to the rest of the world :P And even though my art and my health often intertwine, I would like to keep them separate as much as possible. Hence starting a new blog.

To start off this blog I would like to share something I wrote about a campaign to promote critical thinking here in Norway. It's called Ingen Liker å Bli Lurt (no one likes to be tricked), and it has had quite an impact on my life.

Because I must admit that I feel thoroughly tricked/cheated ..and it is thanks to the Ingen Liker å Bli Lurt campaign that I discovered it.

It turns out that my GP (general practitioner) doctor is quite "alternative" when it comes right down to it, which I have not thought much about before recently. I have been ill for many years, but the last few years I have become much worse, and the only thing my GP seemed interested in was to continue to refer me to acupuncture. I went to acupuncture together about 3 years, but I stopped going there a little after this campaign had gotten really up and running. When I saw how little evidence there is that acupuncture actually works, and how much side effects there may actually be, I stopped using acupuncture. And I realized how much of it was simply placebo from going to someone who took the time to listen to what I was struggling with and put pins in where it hurt while I heard reassuring words, and was in a relaxed atmosphere. (Thank goodness that acupuncture is one of the few things you get a tax refund for btw..)

But placebo is not enough! Although it had a sort of effect going to acupuncture, it is not proper treatment! And it never fixed my problems, it just made the symptoms a tiny bit better to live with there and then .. but eventually I became worse .. and worse. (Strange, when you go 3-4 years without actual treatment). And this summer it got so bad that I was practically an invalid .. several months of just laying on the couch / in bed hoping that I wouldn't throw up because of the pain.

I was also very afraid. I've never been THAT sick before. And when I went back to the doctor for the third time in a very short while (having been told every time that "no, we can not find anything new so just go home and rest") with the desperation of mind and a wish that someone could just help me for once, my GP managed to just giggle a little exasperated about my pain and suggest that hypnosis was probably the way to go!

I do not think I've ever been so discouraged .. or felt so incredibly ridiculed.

The more I think about it now the more I realize how odd my GP has behaved over the years, I've just never thought about it until now. For example, she always told me about patients that were right out of bed and just jumped right back into their lives without any hesitation or signs of depression, and that's how it should be! And that it was just to get up and keep working! As if willpower and attitude was all it was ever about, not the body and actually disease. And I was not "allowed" to get the pneumonia vaccine. I was just barely allowed to get the flu vaccine, despite the fact that I'm several high risk groups. She was also strangely concerned about my levels of vitamin D. Fair enough, it's probably got a lot to say when one has 22 of 100 (you don't exactly get out so much when you're sick all the time), so strong supplements are probably a good idea when you have so little (and happen to be allergic to all alternative sources of vitamin D), but she behaved as if it was going to fix everything. As if with enough vitamin D it would fix everything and I would be cured!

And when I was there last, with excruciating pains, so she began babbling about children with cancer and how brave they were and how much they endured .. and how THEY were used as guinea pigs for hypnosis in the U.S. so it had to be good. And when I asked about getting access to any reading material about this  she just babbled on about it not being available for non-physicians and blablabla ..

I do not think I've ever felt so guilty for something that is not my fault before ..

And I must admit that this is quite sad to think about.

Luckily I have an amazing mother, who is not as poor as me, and she took me to a private clinic where I got an appointment the same day, with a private doctor. And that was something else entirely! There were lots of tests taken, they made proper investigations, and for the first time in a long time I got a feeling that I was treated like an actual human being and that someone was actually interested in helping me. It was also clearly stated that at the first sign that it was necessary as it was straight to the hospital! Thankfully I didn't have to go to the hospital, but it was good to know that they took me seriously .. and after several weeks of investigations, poking and prodding and countless conversations with doctors, specialists and people who had payed attention when they were doing their medical studies, I finally got some answers (and a whole bunch of scary crap got excluded as possibilities). And I am now on a whole cocktail of new drugs and finally things start to feel like they're going a bit in the right direction. It's slow, but I can now sit upright long enough to be able to write this post for example ..

But I can not resist the urge to wonder.. how my life could have been different if I had had this kind of help three or four years ago.. Instead of going along, with false hope, to acupuncture, and walking around completely without proper treatment.. I would probably never have had to experience the hell that the past year has been, and I would maybe even been on my way towards "functional" rather than sit here and think "oh, I've managed to take a shower! If I don't have to take painkillers today it is going to be quite a day!".

So with that I just want to thank the Ingen Liker å Bli Lurt campaign for having given me the knowledge and the tools to be able to stand against the "alternative doctors nonsense". And now I can finally see a little clearer in the jungle of misleading nonsense-treatment. And with the knowledge I have now, I finally managed (with an awesome mother's help of course) to find proper medical treatment that has made my life infinitely better (and worth living) although the way back is long and tiring.

And if you happen to be Norwegian, or able to read Norwegian, the campaign can be found on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ingenlikerablilurt

(PS.: I also have asthma and other health issues that interacts with the PTSD, but even without those I think it would still be as debilitating for me as it is now)